Moths - Insects or Agents of Evil and Death

 Just a quick shout out to Luz and Julie, you guys are the first people that I don't know to see my blog so, HEY YOUR AWESOME

*announcer voice* Back to scheduled blogging

 Moths and to a lesser extent, butterflies, are extremely scary and evil agents of death that plot to kill your family while they sleep. They even start out as the disgusting, creepy and evil super villain bastard Dr.Caterpillah (suckish name I know but don't point it out he's sensitive about it)

But that's another story for another time. Anyway it is completely rational to be afraid of them, yet upon being informed that I'm afraid of them people say one of, or a combination of the following:

"That's stupid, they're more afraid of you than you are of them"

Unsurprisingly this is epicly false, they are terrifying, they know it and they use it daily in their quest to eliminate the human race and gain control of the earth. If ever you find your self thinking "Hey that's a cute, small and harmless insect", remember this, all moths are evil spies working for a secret organization whose sole purpose is to destroy all the things that make you feel happy and good inside.
 (sorry that, that pic is so big)


"Seriously, they aren't scary" says the idiot

Wait, what? You said moths aren't scary? Bitch, do you see that clearly un-doctored and totally real picture? Even if we set aside the fact that they are former super villains that now work for evil secret organizations, apparently some people don't accept that fact, they are still scary. Just look at that fire-eyed, death-winged, spiky-toothed, bitch-moth. Scary oozes from its every pore! It even has a hardcore bad-ass tattoo proclaiming that I must die.


"Moths are just ugly butterflies, so no need to be scared"

That's like someone telling you that they're afraid of sharks and you saying that sharks are just ugly dolphins, its kind of true but not really. Not that it really matters to me, the fact remains that butterflies and moths are disgusting, evil bastards in collaboration with evil ninja. There is every sensible reason to fear both butterflies and moths.

At long last we come to the response I receive most frequently:
"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA"

 Its quite unbelievable how many assholes people think my, completely rational and justifiable fear, to be ridiculous.

The Ten Most Awesome Mythological Creatures

Hi I'm Liz (this is my first post!). Since I don't want to scare you with a random blurt of personal information, I've devised a clever plan to get hooked on my post so i can later post more personal posts! *devious smile*

 

My Clever Plan

First I will do a post on a slightly personal yet extremely interesting current topic like say Mythological Creatures! in this post I will include great pictures drawn by me on my computer. You will be so lost in the awesomeness of the post that you will not realize that you have been tricked into loving my posts till the end of the post when it will be too late. MUHAHAHAHAHA

 The Ten Most Awesome Mythological Creatures

 

What follows is the ranking of my favorite mythological creatures in order of epic awesomeness. One is the most awesome-est epic awesome that you will ever witness. EVER. while Ten is kind of pretty awesome-ish

DRUM ROLL PLEASE!

 Number Ten -The Gnome

As previously mentioned number ten is kind of pretty awesome-ish but not really hardcore.

yet you must admit that there is something strangely alluring about these short, chubby, bearded old men with pointy hats. Thier powers include and are most definately limited to:

• Being Short Powers
• Being Old Powers
• Extraordinarily Long Beard Powers
• Awesome Hat Powers
• Traveling Powers
• Hotel Testing Powers
• Being Semi-creepy Powers

Number  Nine 

BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA

Number Eight - The Puca

Being number eight isn't that impressive but at least it beat the gnome. Pucas are pretty cool, their shape-shifters and plus they don't have an uncalled for and silent 'g' in their name. No matter what shape they take, their fur is always dark. Its most favoritestestest form is a sleek black horse with flowing mane and luminescent gold eyes but since I can't draw horses so in the above picture i draw a furry cute blob. If a puca lures you onto its back it takes you for a wild ride [sexual ;)]. November 1st is Puca Day and and they come out on that day to provide prophecies and shit. Their  powers be:

• Giving Wild Rides ;)
• Being Black 
• Giving Prophecies
• Shape-shifting 

 Number Seven - The Kitsune

The Kitsune is a mystic fox spirit every 1000 years they gain another tail! seriously? a tail thats a lame ass 1000 year present. When finally they reach the ninth tail they turn gold or white, thats it no cool new powers just a different colour. Kitsune can fly, bend time, drive people mad and shape-shift, pretty cool huh? to bad their insane fear of dogs kills all the cool they gained from their awesome powers, which are:

• Time Manipulation 
• Having Mad Tails
• Being Old
• Shape-shifting
• Flight 
• Driving People Crazy

Number Six - The Churlichaun

Ok so i lied the churlichaun didn't retract the picture, he is infact very proud of his looks but i was unable to capture them, sorry. A churlichaun is a leprichaun except that they're always drunk. Yes! those bitches are never sober, just like that deadbeat uncle you refuse to talk about. Some tales say that they are kind and others that they are far bitchier than leprechauns so for the sake of their awesomeness I'll say they're  bitchier, cause whats ore awesome than a bitter drunk leprechaun? number five to one are awesome-er thats what! Oh and Chuck Norris of course. Holy shit! Look! its a list of their powers! like zomg!

• Protecting Wine
• Drinking
• Bitching 

The Number - The Kelpie 

Ok so i lost the writing for this one and I can't draw horses so I google imaged it, I' m such a freaking winner. So a Kelpie is a mystic water horse that can change into a woman to lure men which it then drowns at eats, fun date! Oh yeah if it gets someone onto its back its skin becomes adhesive and then it drowns and its you, horses are scary, I hate horses so big. Hey, look its a list of the kelpie's powers.

• Sticky Skin
• Givin' Wild Rides ;)
• Being a Secret Lady

Number Four - The Mermaid

A mermaid is generally a cute ass bitch from head to hip and a scaly fish from hip on. They're quite fond of sitting on rocks and combing their bomb ass hair with shell while their hugmongous tits hang out. Why? To attract men of course and do fun things (wink wink) with them like for example, swimming! Mermen on the other hand, take a more direct approach, they usually just kidnap a human woman and turn them into mermaids so they can do said fun things with them. Woah its a list of the mermaids powers! Yay!

• Future Tellin'
• Seducing Men 
• Commanding All Manor of Cool Ass Magic
• Sinkin' Ships

Number Three - The Dragon

 

Dragons are awesome, I'm always accidentally calling them dinosaurs, this clearly does not do them justice, they are waaaaaay better. In addition to being as big as or bigger than dinosaurs they, can fly! Yeah bitch, those mother fuckers fly AND hoard treasure AND breathe fire. Oh fuck I left a list of the dragons powers right down there.

• Largeness
• Dinosaur look-a-like
• Fire Breathe
• Flight
• Treasure Hoarding

 Oh and they were the first to wear the 'chiney' man mustache

Number Two (tehe) - The Kraken 

HOLY SHIT its number two!!! The kraken is number two because its a giant squid, which on its own would be badass enough, but the kraken is a giant squid with ten million motherfucking tentacles (please note this figure may be a bit off). This shit thinks it's so awesome that it's just rude, it kills sailors, tips ships and worst of all double dips at all social events. Also it has huge eyes. The kraken would like you to refer to the following list so that you may know how awesome its powers are.

• Big Ass Eyes
• Insane Amount of Tentacles
• Giantness
• Ship Tipping

ZO MY GOD ITS NUMBER FREAKING ONE!

Number One - The Unicorn 

The unicorn comes in at number one here on my fantabulous list of awesome, why?, a-cause its way more fucking cool than you and your mom will EVER be. So, basically a unicorn is a magical flying horse with a sodding horn!! Like seriously how cool is that

OMFG!! Its an Interesting Yet Nerdy Fact
Unicorns were never in Greek mythology but rather in accounts of natural history, the Greek writers of natural history at the time were like totally convinced that unicorns existed and located in the far off mystic land of India. The mystic Indians brought this list

• Amazing Horn 
• Flight
• Healing 
• Insane Beauty 
• Incomprehensible Awesomeness

Thanks for not throwing your computer into the snow because you hated my post